“Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”……I disagree.
Words are powerful; they have the power to harm or the power to heal. I want you to reflect on your own experience, how many times have you been told something along the lines of “You are not good enough?”, “You are not pretty enough?”, “Your too fat.” or “You will never amount to anything.” How did statements like this make you feel? How old were you? How many comments like this have you remembered? How many of them do you replay in your mind regularly?
The thing is we all do not have the same level of emotional resilience or maturity, what is hurtful to one person is not hurtful to another. Not everyone can ”just get over it”. I have heard some people say, I don’t care; I am just blunt “I will tell you what I think, even if you didn’t ask to hear it”. I understand this sentiment well as I used to be like this, until my empathy really awakened me to the thought of “What if this person has other issues?” Have you considered that the person you are directing your comment at may have mental health issues? Or maybe previously suffered from an eating disorder? Or has been the victim of some sort of abuse and that your comment may trigger them? And the possible effects that such a comment could push someone over the edge?
Another thing to consider is the emotional implications of what you are saying? When you say something derogatory or an “off the cuff” comment, how much more are you adding to the scrapheap of this person’s emotional baggage? Now ask yourself if you don’t care?
Most people I know have formed complexes or insecurities about things that have been said to them over time and it has impacted their self-confidence, this then effects their emotional state and self –worth, which then impacts their relationships and the type of people they attract in their life. It can be a vicious cycle or pattern which forms and takes many years to remedy or break, or sometimes the person is left broken permanently.
I am not asking you edit your opinion or stay quiet, I am asking you to think about the approach you use? Is your comment being said out of anger? Is it intended to inflict hurt? Is it worth it? For example If you have to give someone feedback what is the environment you use? – will you belittle them in front of everyone “for a laugh” or be more considerate and take them aside and tell them?
There are always going to be people that we do not resonate with and test us, I am just asking you to consider the implications, if the shoe was on the other foot and you were in the firing line….How will you react?
