Vulnerability….it’s a word and feeling I have often avoided…recently I had someone challenge me and say “Why are you so guarded?”, It was the first time in a long time someone stared me straight in the eye and into my soul, it’s like they saw right through me, They further challenged me by saying “You don’t seem like you need anyone?” Their emotional intelligence and intensity took me by surprise; they sensed and saw right through my defences.
This recent interaction was the first time In a long time I had someone call me out on being guarded, they could sense it in my energy, in the way I was speaking and cut right through it, this was probably one of the most spiritually evolved people I had ever met , but surprisingly they had the ability to make me open up and not shut down and they made me remember one of the most fundamental things I always believed to my core, but forgot to practice recently “Love is Greater than Fear”
After a string of being hurt time and time again through relationships and friendships that let me down or made me feel used, I had fallen back into my old patterns of becoming detached, guarded and controlled and without realising it my emotional wall and guard had come back unconsciously and again I was shutting people out without realising it. I was trying to remain in control as it made me feel “Safe”, by controlling how close I allowed someone to come “they couldn’t hurt me”. I could control the level of “How close is too close”, In my mind by controlling this they couldn’t hurt me Right??….. Well that theory was all good and well until you have someone who could see right through it, they made me realise that this pattern of thought was no longer required or serving me…….they reminded me that my control was “Fear”
They also helped me realise that by trying to remain in “Control”, I was actually disconnecting myself from love and the connection I value so dearly in all my relationships. By relieing on old patterns of behaviour I was keeping further away from the type of relationships I wanted in my life. I have such gratitude for the interaction with this unique and beautiful soul as it made me connect back to my authentic loving self and ditch the “ego” driven fear.
They reminded me that there is beauty within being broken; it takes courage and bravery to be vulnerable and open after we have been beaten down, rejected or hurt. You have two choices become scorned, guarded and refuse to allow any softness, love or connection within the fortress you create around your heart or slowly rise from the experience with more knowledge of what you need, want and require and seek that which you are worthy of and the only way to do that is approach it with an open heart and not allow your past experience or hurt cripple you from future love and connection.
